Circumspecte

Dear Diary, I have just had the most upsetting experience in my entire career as a student, my entire career as a living being even. I never understood why the Cowries Television Network insisted on airing that segment on strange happenings but I do know that my experience ought to be aired on their show. I flunked on the last major assignment for literature class and it’s not even my fault! Ms. Ashie gave us the assignment three weeks back and I did it. No cat pooped on it, no dog or hamster chewed on it, nothing of the sort. I actually submitted it on time! But…(You should be feeling all apprehensive right about now) When she handed it back, there, staring me right in the face, in a thick red marker, and embolden to about twice Ms. Ashie’s handwriting was “UNACCEPTABLE!” Talk about absurd! What’s more is the fact that the assignment was issued in groups. Objective: research into the life of Efua Sutherland. Unfortunately, I landed in the worst group ever created; Vug...

Dear Diary, Hey yourself, I just got back from work and boy, am I tired! On the whole, work is pretty cool but (there’s always a but), it does get frustrating as hell. Talk about “hard to please” customers, rebellious machines, power cuts etc. Working in a café ain’t easy; especially with the special group of people I refer to as the “Alicia Keys peeps.” (Take note: They ain’t half as cool as her though). They just take pride in walking all around the café (braids swaying like crazy) acting all bossy like they own the place you know? I mean who do they think they are? And then we have the rebels (machines), now they are something else. From the computers, through to the printers and the photocopiers. Its just hell dealing with these guys. I mean, we created them but now they wanna control us? Goodness! We deserve more respect than that. Does it have to do with me not having an IP address or something? God! Oh, let’s not forget the service providers, They have an irrita...

Dear Diary, I still can’t believe that in barely a year, I’ll be in university. I mean, how did this happen so fast? It was just yesterday that I was kidding around with my boys after the BECE. Anyways, I have been doing some thinking with regards to my tertiary education, Thinking about what I’ll major in, how it would feel to live an independent life, which girls I’ll meet (hey, don’t be surprised, there’s always the issue of girls you know), partying….I can’t wait. Did I say can’t? I meant couldn’t. That was last week. Sundiata came to visit yesterday, and we had a chat. He was telling me about all the clubbing and chilling he’s been doing and all. I was real impressed cos his grades are good despite all the chilling he does. So what did I do? I asked him how he manages. Hmm… I sometimes wish I didn’t cos he started talking about how he has to wake up at dawn to study and read ahead of the class and all. I mean, come on! Who’d want to sit at a desk studying when h...

Dear Diary, Have you ever felt like you just want everything going on around you to stop; if even for a second? Yea, well I’m feeling like that right this moment! What’s it about this time? I’ll tell you: its about people making a choice to be dedicated to a cause and failing. Its amazing the effect the slogan “Globe Trekkers -we trek the world” seems to have on the juniors. But I’m not surprised; it had the same effect on me when I was a junior. I mean, when the juniors hear that slogan, they’re thinking fun, fun and more fun! Yea, that’s true. But for us executives, its more like work, work and more WORK! I can hardly imagine how the President of the country manages his affairs, because I can barely handle mine as the President of the Globe Trekkers Club! I’m telling you, I had to stop myself about a zillion times over the past week from handing in my resignation letter. This last week has got to be the worst week of my entire life! Ok, maybe not the worst week, but i...

Dear Diary, To say I love my mom would be an understatement, I totally adore her. Whenever I have a problem I just gotta run to her because she’s so understanding, like most moms are right? Besides, dads just don’t understand, do they? A couple of times (maybe more than a co uple), I felt she did me wrong but now when I look back, she did do the right thing. She always makes time for me when I need it and always gives me useful advice. You can say she’s kinda li ke my guardian angel. One time some loco doctor gave me one too many shots and I almost died. Actually I heard, I ain’t gonna pretend that I remember. I heard mom couldn’t really control h erself. When I hear stuff like that, I can ’ t help but feel more compassion for her. And I wo n’t stand anyone dissing my mom because I’ll just explode. There’s a whole lot of stuff I could talk abou t but that would take forever. Simply put, she’s the greatest mom alive. Observation: I believe if all mothers were like mine, the worl...

Dear Diary, I t’s kind of hard being second to last amongst nine siblings, you know? By the time you have learnt to ride a bike, seven othe rs would have already done it. Y our ‘great achievement’ would only bring back f ond memories of the time Juma rode hers, or the zillion times Hisham fell off his, before finally getting it right. Humph! Hel-lo! News flash: this is MY big moment! Funny. I cannot even enjoy my place down the line in peace. I cannot suck on my thumb, o r slurp my ice cream, because Karima might be watching, and “big sister is supposed to be a better example”. Big sister? The older child? “Mummy, can I stay up and watch the 10:30 movie?” “No, Lilly. It’s rated PG13. You are only 12 and a half”. Humph! So what am I? Old or young? Pretty confusing. Even the coolest names got snagged before my time. For the first three kids, Mummy was in her prim and proper, formal m ode: Juma, Hisham, Awuresi . Lovely. For the next four, she went all hip-hop, African-A...

Dear Diary, I’ m positive my voice has gone hoarse from all the screaming I’ve been doing today. No, Arif and the guys didn’t come down here for another screaming match though I’d rather that was the case. The thing is that mum and dad went out…sans those little devils. Okay they’re my kid brothers and sister but still! “Don’t touch that”, “get down from there”, “are we there yet?”. Sound familiar? It should, cos that’s what you hear around every child. Indeed , children are a torment and nothin g more. I mean, there are some sweet children but the majority, damn! No wonder parents get gr ey hairs so quickly. Anytime I hear a kid cry, I gotta find an exit fast coz if I don’t, I’ll go deaf. Yeah we were all children but surely we couldn’t have been that annoying! I k now y’all feel me on this one. Whenever a naughty kid starts acting nice I need to ask him/her what’s up b ecause that just doesn’t happen. If he ain ’ t broken something then he wants something. It’s not always th...

Dear Diary, Responsibilities, responsibilities. God! Sometimes I just hate to hear the word. I mean come on, what’s up with the “you’re the eldest child in the family so you have to set a good example for the others to follow. You have to be more responsible.” Honestly, I’m tired of all that. Because of all my “responsibilities”, I can’t even think straight or act like me. I mean, heeello! What happened to being myself? Sure, it’s cool being the eldest daughter…once in a while. But come on, between having to explain to Mummy why Titilayo cannot borrow my clothes even though she’s my sister, trying to stop the oh-so-numerous quarrels that Zisung and Napari engage in, AND trying to ensure that we all do our house chores, there’s hardly any time left for just being me! Its like I’m living in a constant state of being somebody else. Anyways, I have to scram now… supposed to take Zisung and Napari to a birthday party. (talk about boredom). Toodles! OBSERVATION No matter one’s position in...

Dear Diary, It’s the night of the big game and me and my boys are in front of the TV waiting patiently for the kick-off. We are evenly divided, four of us supporting Arsenal and the other four supporting Man United. The tension in the room is so apparent as the match commences. With sporadic shouts of “what dey wrong this player” and the usual “Oh!” So many minutes have passed but no goal and frustrations are beginning to show. I’m not talking about frustrations on the pitch mind you, but in our mini stadium. “I don’t even know why we bought this player, he’s useless”, Ekow declares. Five minutes later, the useless player scores th e opener for Man United. Kojo’s reaction? No comment. My team is down by a goal and Murtala takes the opportunity to taunt me. “So Mash, who be your chick?” I mean, can you believe him? Well I’m not the least amused by that question, not when my team is down. I’m about to give him a piece of my mind but just then Arsenal equalize. My fellow gunnas go beserk...

Dear Diary, Today, I had to come to terms with the fact that I lied. There’s nothing worse than lying to yourself, especially if you spent half a year’s savings on celebrating the lie. Then again, it wasn’t exactly a lie… it was more like me conceding defeat, kind of like saying okay, so I cannot have this, so fine, I’ll try to live with it. Okay, so Diary, after how many days of convincing mysel f that I’m totally over Kuuku , one, just one (long, sweet, dreamy… sigh) conversation made me think otherwise: So here I am, all ready to go to Samira’s when Adjeley texts that she’s coming over, and I better be at home or else… (What can I say; a best friend has certain privileges). She gets here and say s she’s been talking to Kuuku online and he’s going to stay on for a long while, and he said to tell me that. Meaning he wants me to come on, right? So in a fla sh, me, Samira, Adjeley and Mansa , who just happens to stop by at that moment, fly to the café. My guy was really online! Did...

Dear Diary, I’m totally convinced that some “friends” just make it their official duty of letting one down. One thing I can ’ t stand is being disappointed and that's exactly how I feel right n ow. I mean, how the hell can Olesugun back down on the deal we planned ages ago? I really don't think I’ll get over this one anytime soon. Mayb e I need to review my friend's list and right now, one na me stands the opportunity of being deleted and trash- canned . I know he's avoiding me, but I 'll get him soon, and believe me , there will be fireworks, and I’m not talking about the 6th of March. ADVICE “I’ll be here for you no matter what.”, “I got your back”, “We’ll stick it through the hard times as one.” All these remarks build up a sense of trust and loyalty for our friends. However, these words are quite unrealistic in their own way. For one thing, our friends cannot ALWAYS be there for us. Sometimes, circumstances get out of hand and thus prevent them from do...

Dear Diary, I am so angry right now! Riad has really overstepped his bounds this time! I’m fed up! I mean, how much can one expect of a girl? I’m just me. You dun like that, well that’s your problem! Right? Come to think of it, I don’t know what his problem is….Its not like I went and cheated on him or anything. Gosh. He’s so full of it. C’mon, there are about a trillion guys I know who would kill to get the kinda attention I give Riad. I call him at least every two days, send him texts just to let him know I care or I’m thinking of him AND I help him with his school work sometimes. It’s not like I don’t have other things doing, but just so I fit into the description of girlfriend….maybe that’s it….we need to redefine what girlfriend means. Darn! You should see me right now; I’m so fuming mad, I’m actually shaking. I really wonder what’s gotten into him for him to even consider having sex with me! Hell, that’s so insulting! And, as if that’s not enough, he had the nerve to tell me t...

Dear Diary, Me and a couple of my pals were talking the other day…what about? What else! Its all aba em girls. Kwesi and the others had different views on the issue, not all of them very realistic, but opinions nevertheless. I believe women are more or less an enigma but probably misunderstood most of the time. Let me explain. Personally, I’ve never been in a relationship with a girl so I’m speaking from what I have seen and heard. The one thing which keeps recurring in relationships is the time factor. I’m sure they’ll (women) disagree with me here but I’m afraid I can trace it to even (shhhhhh, don’t tell her), my mom. You know when the family wants to go somewhere and with like five minutes to the time, she hasn’t figured out what she’s going to wear, what perfume she’s going to use, high heels or not, the list is endless basically. There are other factors like jealousy, money, which I’m not going to delve into because, I’ll not finish. It’s like Hannah Cowley said, “What is wo...

Dear Diary, Trying to be something you are not is so not cool. But there’s nothing wrong with enhancing who you are…becoming the “It Girl”…becoming a diva… I learnt that the hard way. The latter part of last year was so all- that and more for me. I went from quiet, shy Aphie to what was hot, new and happening; all in one breath, and it felt good! Everyone loved the change. But that was sop not me. There was more to me than I was letting out. Well, this year, Phase Three of “Growing Up” kicked in. The new Aphie. The true me. I’ve started paying attention to the things I missed before. It’s ok to hang out at night, only not too often else I might get mistaken for a call girl. Make-up is to enhance, not to mask my face. It’s best not to leave much to the imagination when I get dressed-not too many layers else I’ll hide my great figure; not too few either else… I’ve worked on character too-down with the shyness, don with the loudness and aggressiveness. All in all, I love who I am rig...

Dear Diary, I know I haven’t been consistent in keeping you updated on the happenings in my life, and I’m not going to make excuses for my behavior. However, there’s a good reason; a really good reason: Naa. Over the past two months, Naa n I have gotten real close. You know how I thought that she detested me? Well, apparently I was way off! She actually loves me! I don’t know how to explain how I feel right now but the feeling’s most definitely great. It does have its downside though; like when she’s really busy with all those activities she’s involved in and I don’t get to spend time with her. It hurts. Literally. Okay, so what’s it about Naa that’s got me totally smitten? That’s an easy question. First of all, she’s a really cool person. She’s great to talk to, smart, cute and she doesn’t mind playing ball with me sometimes. Only, I tend to let her have the easy shots. All I really wanna do now is just make her happy. Oh well, what can I say? I’m in deep. I hope you understand me u...

Dear Diary, I’ve been laughing so hard the sides of my stomach are beginning to ache. I really shouldn’t laugh so much though, cos for a certain person, the issue that’s making me laugh is real serious. (Totally grim faced, with no smiles.) O.k. o.k. I’ll fill you in on the “joke”. Konadu actually thinks that I have the hots for the guy she likes! I’m thinking aliens have invaded Ghana or something cos that notion of hers is way off base! What’s more is she isn’t relating to me like she used to…no more teasing and stuff. Oh well. Aight, I’ll cut the indifference act. That DID get to me. It might not be that obvious, but I really value my friendship with Konadu. She’s like the twin I never had. (You and I both know that “twins” doesn’t even begin to describe our connection.) That’s why I would most definitely NOT let ANY guy come between us (Unless of course, that guy is…lol. I’m just kidding, ok?) I must say that it’s a good thing that I realized what was going on with her before...