"It isn't what you did in the past that will affect the present. It's what you do in the present that will redeem the past and thereby change the future." - Aleph (Paulo Coelho)
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| Le Due Torri - Symbol of Bologna |
It’s been a week and a day since I arrived in Bologna land,
which coincidentally, is the very reason why we have so many foods “Bologna” –
think Spaghetti Bolognese. While I just sampled a gelato for the first time
ever two days ago (whatever took me so long?!), my appreciation for the city
soon-to-be-called-home started from day 1.
I’d written a post earlier while transiting through Brussels, Belgium about why I was a bit melancholic about leaving Ghana and what I hoped for here
in Italy and at Johns Hopkins's Bologna Center, and guess what? The entire narration got
deleted. Thrown out the door. Just like that. Basically, it became one of those
‘blog your way through your emotions’ posts, because as it turned out, it was
just an outlet for me.
Now, fast forward to today and all that has happened already
– it’s crazy what can happen in a week! – and I’m beginning to wonder whether
my lil blog mishap wasn’t a harbinger of what was yet to come. I must say that
I haven’t really gotten to explore Bologna inside and out (yet) since I pretty
much got wrapped up in finding a place to live, getting the necessary
documents, meeting classmates, choosing classes, and really, just trying to
settle in. But I will. Eventually. Promise.
Anyway, anyone who knows anything about me – or reads this
blog – knows how keen I am about development issues. As it were, getting into
JHU was a huge deal for me especially considering the richness of their
economics (development) program. I was simply enthused about getting into the
international development concentration and going through the course listings,
I wanted to do it all. Of course, that’s impossible. So, in order to maximize
my opportunities, I carefully mapped out my plan for the next year, down to
which classes I would take and what-not.
Now, there was only one thing – I had to pass a
microeconomics exam in order to guarantee my spot. Econ major in college, easy
peasy, right? Oh of course. Only sometimes it isn’t. Throw in the fact that
you’ve been out of school for two years, and surprise, surprise, your brain has basically
refashioned itself to suit your new frame of mind, and that certainty starts
bordering on “maybe?” Question mark and all. In order to cut a long story
short, lets just say I didn’t quite meet that requirement. I could list a whole
ton of excuses (which I have been telling myself over and over) about why I
didn’t simply fly through this one, but bottomline is I struggled. Literally
stumbled from one question to the next.
So, whereas a week ago, I was certain about my field of
study and academic plan for the year, with everything else being up in the air,
this time around the script has been flipped. I have a place to live
(Alhamdulilahi), an interesting internship which should begin soon, and a
handful of people I’m already putting in the ‘friend’ category. What I don’t have now though, is an academic
plan. Don't get me wrong, I'm still pursuing international relations and economics as a program, I just have to reroute myself and figure out a 'new'concentration/major/specialization while tryna foresee how it fits in with my overall career aspirations. I’ve
been blind-sighted before, but this particular one was a bit hard to take.
Think being knocked breathless after a hard breakup. Yeah, sorta like that.
Coupled with the tears and everything.
What happened next? Well, if you must know, I found (find?
Still happens occasionally) myself questioning whether I should be here in the
first place - in this world-renowned international studies program. Whether I really am ready to delve right back into academics, and
in such an austere training program too! I caught myself ALMOST calling myself
stupid – never has that happened, and thank God I snapped right out of it - because whoever ‘fails’ microeconomics? It
was very humbling, trust me. Definitely reminded me that I’m here to learn,
first and foremost. Above all, I felt like I had just wasted an awesome
opportunity.
Maybe I did. But see, the thing is, I am still here. It’s
barely even week 2 and classes are yet to start. This chapter is just being
written, so why am I slamming the book shut before I’ve even begun? I don’t
know, but I guess we do that to ourselves sometimes.
Alors, what’s the point of this soliloquy? I guess its about
giving myself a second chance; trusting the process and God, and this time, of having some flexibility. I was
actually quite astounded when I heard myself explaining the very intricate
mapping of my academic foray to the program director. I certainly didn’t know I
had it all planned out to the last detail, but apparently I did. And as it
seems, my plan left very little room for much else. So, I’m starting afresh
(not by choice, but rather by design). I’m going to try to come up with a new
concentration/major that still has elements of development in there, but that also
takes things like… I don’t know yet… into consideration.
Maybe this is a good thing - being propelled to keep an open
mind (and I thought I was open minded before lol). Maybe I will discover something interesting about myself I had been unaware of before. Hopefully, it won't go down as one of
my biggest regrets (tofiakwa, God forbid!) Eitherway, I’m taking it a step at a
time. If anything, it’s a challenge to me to prove that I’m worthy of this
field and the enormous undertaking that I’ve professed in under (and loud)
tones that I want to pursue. And since I’m apparently great at professing
things, here’s another one: Whatever happens, I WILL excel. Mark my words.
So yeah, once I figure out – actually, once I have some idea
of (flexibility, remember?) – my area of focus, you all will be the first to
know. Until then, I’m keeping it zen. Open mind, open heart. And with that, it's ciao for now!
P.S.: On a historical note, Bologna is famous for its "twin towers" (Le Due Torri), both of them are leaning. I'd say that's symbolic of the need for flexibility when living (studying) in Bologna, no? To read more about the towers, click here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Towers_of_Bologna
Photo Source: Towers